LIfe's Changes In The Most Unusual Ways

So I now have my daughter. I picked her up the other day. We have moved to my mother's house. It is not bad, I enjoy spending time with my mom, but we are living in one small room and that makes for crowd'd conditions. It is only for a few months until it is time to go back to work again. We will see how things go.

I have enrolled her in correspondence school so that she can continue to get her high school diploma. Since I travel for work, there is no way for her to go to a traditional high school and still be with me. This is going to cost me about $1500 depending on just how many of her credits will transfer to the new setup. Hopefully she will not have to redo it all, but if she does then I will be with her helping her all the way.

Not much else going on at the moment.

Life's Unexpected Changes

I have not written anything here in a while. Life takes some of the weirdest turns and the ones mine has taken in the last 2 months have kept me very busy indeed.

I have been in south FL for the last 6 weeks or so working for a guy that is a friend of my boss at Coleman Brothers Shows. But tonight I recieved a phone call that looks like it is going to change all that again. It seems that my daughter who is just 4 months shy of her 18th birthday is extremely unhappy with her living arrangements at her fathers house. Now he got remarried this last summer to a lady that is just about 11 years older than our daughter is. This lady also has a daughter of her own that is 10 years younger than my daughter. The lady is doing her best, to the best of my knowledge, to make things work in the household. The phone call I got today was to ask me if I want to get my daughter now rather than when she turns 18. Of course I am willing to take her, I just have to have somewhere for us to stay.

This requires that I contact my mother. After talking to my mom and her talking to my grandfather, it was agreed that I could come up there with Claire and myself. This means that I am going to have to give up the job that I have and move up there to try and live on the small amount of unemployment that I can get from the state. Now it is enough to cover my rent to my mom, but not much else. Food stamps will mean that Claire and I will not go hungry while living there. Now I am just waiting for her father to call me back in a day or two about the details of when and where.

Please pray that I can either find something that will last a couple of months or that I can somehow make things work on the little money I will have coming in. I want more than anything else in the world for my daughter to be happy and I am hoping that I can do that for her.

Now What Do I Do

Alex moved out today, he did not even come to say goodbye. I woke up to find all the stuff he had in the other room gone. I just watched his father pick up the stuff that "does not fit".

I have not heard from John since Saturday. I do not know what to think of it all.

I had a dream last night that has me upset. I dreamed that I was married again, with a small child. A friend of my husband's put magic into the child and my baby gained 30 lbs overnight. I get so upset that I inform my husband that either his friend stays out of our house or I am going to leave. I even yell at his friend about hurting my child and ruining my marriage. Then just before I woke up, I decided to just die instead. This is when I woke up.

I really need to have some stability in my personal life.

Men are Crazy and My Bi-Polar Makes Me Not Much Better

I moved to Savannah to be with Alex whom I have known for almost 3 years. I asked him specifically if he wanted me to come down here before I came. Since I have gotten here he has spent most of the time ignoring me. Not the way to work on a relationship. Because of this I went to my mothers for the weekend, when I get back on Sunday night, he decides to finally tell me that he is not interested in a relationship at this time in his life. It seems that he feels that his plate is too full for me. Whatever. Not exactly upset about it. I figure it out after being here about a week.

I have been talking to one of the guys that I worked with this summer, John. He says that he wants to date me. Not to bad an idea. He is a nice enough guy...or so he seems. It seems that on Wed or Thurs he was bit by a spider. On Friday, he says he spent the day in the hospital with his leg swollen from it. They put him on antibiotics. I was getting irritated cause I did not hear from him all day. When he called me on Saturday, we got to talk for a little while. He was getting ready to eat lunch and said he would call me back. I joked about holding my breathe until he called back. He promised he would. Then he messages me around 6pm on Saturday to say he was going to take a nap. Since then I have not heard from him. I am starting to get both pissed and really worried about him. Is he so sick that he cant talk on the phone? Is he in the hospital? Did he lose his phone somewhere? Or did he decide that I was not worth the effort and now is not talking to me? I would really like to know.

To make matters worse, I do not know if I will even have a place to live for the next month...even though I have already paid October's rent here.

For those that do not know...I have bi-polar disorder. I lean towards being depressed. All the stuff that is going on has me in a downward spiral. I will admit that if it was not for my Heavenly Father I would have killed myself long before now. Even now, knowing God as my savior keeps me from doing anything stupid. But boy do I hate it when I have no idea what is going on in my own life.

Please pray that God's will to be done!

End of the Season, Trip from Hades, & God's Protection

So on August 31st, we closed down for the last time this year. The last week we were open was, as usual, pretty boring. It has a lot to do with the fact that our last stop of the year is one of the slowest spots we do all season. It was not all bad, I did get a chance to get to know one of the new workers, a guy that goes by the nic Ares. On Sunday, I got the honor of driving one of the bunkhouses from Trumansburg, NY to Middletown, CT. This trip was pretty boring, fairly standard trip. I got into the yard and dropped the bunkhouse where it should go. Then I had to wait for the others to get there so that I could have one of them ride back with me in the day-cab. Got to nap on the way back to Trumansburg. Once there, I was told to pick up the bus with all the employees on it and drive it back to Middletown. Fun Fun Fun… Did that…no problems.

So now I am sitting in Middletown, CT waiting for the other guys to get in so that I can go back and pick up a 3rd load. By the time everyone was in and we could leave it was around 4pm EST. Got into Trumansburg around 9:30 pm. Checked out my load…everything looked good. The load was our ticket box trailer. Not a heavy load, in fact it is light enough that the trailer they sit on only has one rear axle. Was on the road around 10:30. Stopped for something to eat and got back on the road. Right around 11:30 I blew out both tires on the drivers side rear trailer axle. Not good. Sparks flying…I manage to get the truck pulled over onto the curb. So now the problem is, there are no tires on the trailer, in fact there are also no rims either. It all blew off. I actually had the privilege of watching them roll away from the truck. Talk about scare the crap out of me. I am actually surprised I did not mess my pants. Called the boss to let him know there was a problem and for him to call someone to come and check out the damage.

Help does show. Unfortunately it is not really helpful. All he could do was sit behind me with flashing lights until a state trouper came by and set up some flairs for me. I spent the night of September 1st in the cab of a rig with no bed in it. Not fun. It seems that every time I managed to fall asleep, someone came by. Not good for keeping a tired girl from getting too grumpy. Of course, by now my cell phone is just about dead. It is dawn and no one is going to be out to move me until at least noon. Yippie, 12 hours or more sitting on the side of the highway. On the side of the New York Expressway to be more precise.

Several people who saw what the trailer looked like and the two guys that were following me when the incident happened all said that they are surprised that the trailer did not flip. Everyone is also surprised that I did not end up in the ravene that was on the passenger side of the road. It dropped down around 1o or 15 feet. I stopped the truck just above where the drop off was.

I know how it stayed upright, my guardian angel picked up the rear end and held it until I got it off of the road. When we tried to move the truck later, it would not move. The wheel was buried in the ground.

I ended up on the side of the road for right around 14 1/2 hours. When we finally got the truck and trailer to the shop it was around 3 pm or so. I get told that the truck would not be ready until the next day. So now I get to go to a motel. At least it gave me a hot shower and a fairly comfortable bed. The truck was finally done around 3 pm the following day. I did not get to leave the mechanics shop until almost 5 pm. Now I have to drive the rest of the way to Middletown. By the time I get in there it is around 8pm. This ended up being the longest trip in recorded history. 54 hours on a trip that should have taken no more than 14 hours to do round trip.

Now it is payday. I am hoping to get paid off and bonus’d out so that I can leave in the morning to head south. Unfortunately, my bonus is not ready. I am told that I will get it in the morning. I finish loading my pickup up with my stuff. In the morning I go and pick up a uhaul pull-a-long trailer since the pickup is way overloaded. By the time I get back I still have to wait until almost noon before I finally get my bonus.

I get home safe and sound. All is suppose to be good now right? NOT. While Alex is happy to see me, things are not good here. He is spending all of his time either watching tv or he is playing a game either by himself or with his nephew. When I have tried to say something to him about it, he informs me that he is a gamer, and his nephew is his life. And apparently he is spending time with me. I am sorry but sleeping next to me is not spending time with me. It is sleeping.

I get more attention from talking to Ares on the phone, which I have been doing for just over a week now. I have been out job hunting. It looks like I am going to try and get back out on the road driving 18 wheeler if I can find a company that will take me right now. If not, I have a lead on a job. A company that I use to work for is willing to take me back. Ares is suppose to call them on or around November 1st. He and I are, maybe going to go down there and work this winter. In the spring, we will most likely go back to Coleman Brothers Shows. As a couple. Who knows what will happen in the future. Time will only tell.

A Balance Between All The Junk In My Life

So like things are not going as well as I would have hoped here. It does look like Alex should have a job as of tomorrow, he goes in the morning to take his drug test which I know he will pass. But the problem is other stuff. He is more interested in his games and his nephew than in anything else including me. This is not good with me cause while I do understand that his nephew has been his life since his nephew was born, it does not mean that I find it alright for me to be like the last priority on his list. Or at least that is the way it feels to me. I have only been here for 2 weeks but I am already ready to pack up and leave and find somewhere else to live quickly. I am at the point when I just want to know how much my unemployment is going to be so I can know if I will be able to afford to go to a motel and rent a room a week at a time. I figure that I need about $225 a week to be able to find a room for hopefully around $150 or so, put gas into my truck and food into the room to eat.

I just called to check on my unemployment...at the moment it looks like it is going to be $135 a week...unfortunately that is not enough to put me up in a motel...I knew I should have worked harder to save money this season. I guess that if I go back I will have to make sure that I put away my entire paycheck each week so that I can put a roof over my head next winter. We will see what Ares can come up with to see if I can find somewhere to go...maybe my mom will allow me to come there and Ares can go to the homeless shelter...or fuck it I will go also if I have to...anything to get out of this place. God willing my unemployment is just waiting for more money to show up from other states before it gets larger. Hell if I was staying here that would be more than enough money. I could give Alex's sister $75 a week and it would leave me $60 a week for gas and such in the pickup. At least it is something...hell it is more than I have ever gotten before in unemployment.

To make matters worse, my daughter is not getting along with her father and stepmother...in fact her stepmother has ever intention of making her life a living hell until she turns 18 in around 6 months. I know my daughter is not the easiest person to live with but she is still a minor...there is no reason for a 28 year old woman to be so nasty to a 17 year old girl. I know that Claire is not innocent in all of this, believe me I know that, but I also know that they are adults and she is still very much a teenager. A teenager that just wants to be loved and cherished as much as possible.


God Please help me to make the right choices and for everything to fall into place as it should be!!!!!

25 Days and Counting Down

So I have made up my mind about what I am going to do...I am going home to Savannah and my boyfriend Alex. I would still like to go to work somewhere else and make some more money since I have no savings and every time I start to get one something happens and it is gone. I am just going to go on home and apply for my unemployment and put in applications with every place I can think of for a job.

My daughter spent the last 5 weeks with me on the road and did not want to go back to her father's house. He recently remarried and seems more interested in his new wife and step-daughter than in the daughter he is only going to have with him a few more months before she can leave on her own and he will have no say in it what-so-ever. I am going to find work, Alex & I will find us a 2 bedroom apartment or house to rent, then if she still wants to come to live with me she will have a room of her own.

She flew out of Syracuse International Airport into first Charlotte, NC changing planes there and flying from there to Tampa FL where she lives with her dad. Her flight was delayed in Syracuse for 2 hours waiting for the tower to clear them to leave...this caused her to be late for her connecting flight out of Charlotte. Luckily for her there was another flight leaving about 15 minutes or so later that she was able to get on and made it to Tampa only an hour later than she was originally suppose to be there. Putting her on that plane was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, she so did not want to go back to her dad's. She asked me several times to let her stay with me, but until she is 18 or at least a little bit closer to that special birthday, I did not want to fight with her father about it all. Add to that the fact that as of this point in time I do not have my own place to live. . .I am going to be living with my sister-in-law's house, on her good graces. There are only 3 bedrooms and she and her son are in 2 of them, with my boyfriend and me in the last one. So there really is no where for her to sleep at this point in time. I am praying that Alex & I can both find work fast so we can find an apartment soon.